Speechless and Self Assured
by suspensegirl
Summary: CS convo after the photo auction 3x03. “You, Serena Van der Woodsen, are standing here, telling me to have sex with my girlfriend.”


A/N: They just keep slipping out…*sigh* lol. You peeps _seriously_ better be r & r-ing these little ficlets. *resigned* Anyways, so this is definitely just a mini-humor oneshot. Heheh. Just about Serena scolding Chuck for not sleeping with Blair for almost a week. XD *LOVE*

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She could spot him from where she was and the idea could not have sparked at a more opportune moment. Georgina had just retreated to wherever the heck she was going, and Serena was not even going to allow the factor of her coming home with the rest of them. Not after what she had done to Chuck and Blair. Sure, only Blair's '_need for the_ _picture_' had been confirmed, but she was pretty positive Chuck's wasn't too far off.

Speaking of, Bass Jr. himself was standing just across the way, looking on at his lovely portrait in awe, no thanks to _her_ bestowing of it onto Blair, and then Blair's sudden selflessness in regards to her boyfriend.

_Poor Blair._ Almost a week and _still_ no sex. The Chuck Bass from two years ago would hardly believe it, and be even _less_ likely to repeat said action, if it was him that was replaced with the current heir to the Bass fortune.

Serena cleared her throat and made for the suited man himself. She had some errors she needed to mend.

"Chuck," she tapped him lightly on the shoulder, watching amusedly as he slowly turned to face her.

"Serena." He leaned back in his own floating position, watching her every move. She smiled, but it was anything but genuine. He could tell. She was up to something.

"How are you doing?" she sparkled as she brushed her hand against his shoulders, smoothing down any dust that her hand may have shifted up onto his suit. He glanced down at it, his eyebrows narrowing.

"What is it?"

She shrugged. "Oh nothing," she began twirling a few strands of her hair around her pointer finger. "I just wanted to see you." She sported as fake a beaming smile as she could manage. He wasn't buying her happy demeanor, and she wasn't meaning him to.

Now if he would only crack….right now…

3…2…1…

"Serena, what's going on? I know you're not as happy as you're coming across to be, at least with the ordinary human being. Especially after Blair and I horrified you with our torture of your most recent sidekick."

Serena ignored his comment, or rather how it affected her directly. "Ah yes, Blair. She is great, is she not?" She continued to play with her hair.

"Yes, she is," he watched her suspiciously, moving to one of the counter tables they had been at before. "Your point…?" he asked, moving a hand to his forehead, which quite surprisingly was starting to ache. Though perhaps he should not have been surprised. Serena definitely had the talent in her to create migraines.

"Hmmm," Serena pondered, louder than necessary. "Well, you love her…I love her…she is beautiful and—"

Chuck sighed, trying to drown out his step-sister's rant.

"—and, horny…"

Silence.

Chuck didn't know if it was because of what Serena had just said, or maybe the fact that he had just suddenly lost the capability to breathe all together, but there was no oxygen coming to his lungs, and he figured both Blair _and_ Serena had something to do with it. Leaning against the marble countertop no longer had its advantages. Chuck turned to face the ever so innocent looking Serena Van der Woodsen.

"What is it, Chuck?" she batted her eyelashes, a little too rapidly. And he wanted to smirk, he really did. But this was just _too weird_.

"Serena, please don't tell me you came over here to tell me to have sex with my girlfriend."

She sighed. "Well, if you don't want me to tell you, then I suppose I can go elsewhere. Perhaps I can tell Blair the time frame in which you will sleep with her again?"

He gaped, and it made her smirk when she focused back on his face again.

"You're not serious," he almost whispered.

"Well, if I wasn't, this would be an extremely lame waste of my time, don't ya think?" she quirked an eyebrow. All he could do was stare at her.

He was speechless.

_This was unbelievable. _

"You, Serena Van der Woodsen, are standing here, telling me to have sex with my girlfriend."

Even out loud it didn't sound less insane. But she was still beaming at him, and if he didn't just have the tangible evidence of a bought photograph in front of him, in his hand's clutch, he would have thought he was dreaming. This was just not the type of thing that happened to Chuck Bass. This was the kind of thing that Chuck Bass concocted in his head, and that people—especially people like Serena Van der Woodsen—were absolutely disgusted with when spoken out loud.

He decided right then and there that it was entirely possible that Blair put Serena up to this. It would certainly explain why she had been so willing to hand the picture over. Though…her 'I believe in you' speech was just as genuine as it was the day his father's will was read. It didn't seem like something she would fake.

He sighed. "Did Blair put you up to this?" he rubbed his creased forehead again. He was going to need some medication.

Serena scoffed. "No. Absolutely not. Do you honestly think I would do this even if Blair asked me to?" He looked to her in incredible disbelief.

"Obviously not, but how is it you are doing it now then?" His temper was rising and he knew it, but he had to get to the bottom of this. Serena Van der Woodsen does not do things like this, does not hint at Chuck's lack of sexual activity via Blair Waldorf. These things are detestable to her.

_So, why…?_

The blonde sighed softly. "Oh Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck…" she patted a somehow dusty part of his jacket. His eyes narrowed in on the spot, and she could almost see the frustration building inside his normally_ 'on top of things' _head.

"Yes, Serena? What is it?" he drawled, and she knew she was getting to him. It was kind of fun, now that she thought about it. She wondered to herself just then how long she could keep something like this up. But, the way his breathing had gotten heavier and his indented eyebrows had scrunched further towards center told her that she'd better quit while she's ahead.

"Fine," she gave in, brushing a few long blonde locks behind her shoulder. "Blair has a lot of pent-up sexual frustration."

His expression was unreadable, and so she pressed on.

"As much as it grosses me out to even think about, it is concerning in the very least…or _most_, if you're Blair Waldorf." She cringed, just thinking about how Blair must be coping. She shook the empathetic jitters from her system and focused back on the confused boy before her. "You need to have sex with her," she spoke slowly so he could ingest every word successfully. She tried hard to ignore the female passerby who had just walked by during that last intriguing sentence. She kept her gaze focused on Chuck, so as to prevent bursting into giggle or apologies from the woman's scandalized reaction.

Chuck's eyebrows narrowed, completely unphased by the passerby, however. "You don't think I wouldn't be doing that if I had the time, let alone the strength?"

Serena raised an eyebrow as Chuck continued rattling off his tangent. Eventually she held up a hand to prevent him from going any further.

"Chuck, please, I do not need to know the details of your sex life with my best friend, and why you'd like to get back to it," her eyes widened as she looked downward for a moment. She really had hoped the conversation wouldn't lead in this direction. But it had and now she had to bring it back on course. "I apologize for whatever trouble I caused in regards to your business deals last week." She swallowed hard. She hadn't wanted the conversation to go in _this_ direction either, but it had and perhaps it was for the best.

He sighed. "Serena—"

She held up her hand again. "No, this is the least I can do. I have heard nothing but Blair's complaints of being sexless all week. You can save me, you and Blair by just sleeping with her, why won't—"

She was cut off by his testy exhale. He ground his teeth as he spoke. "Like I said, if I had time or energy I would—"

"Energy?" she asked, aghast when he used that as his excuse for the _second_ time during their conversation.

"Yes," he muttered. Then, his expression turned smarmy, and she wished she hadn't pointed out the ironic use of words he had chosen to speak. "Blair Waldorf tires me out." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Serena rolled her eyes, trying to just be slightly annoyed when in reality she was mortified. She should've known there would be disadvantages to this type of conversation.

"Chuck," she cleared her throat.

"Yes?" he drawled, cockily. It felt so much better to have the power now directed in his general attention. "I'm not saying something that's making you uncomfortable, am I Sis?" he nudged her, and she looked up, glared at him. The mocking tone of his voice was growing beyond irritation and she was starting to curse the very motivation to even come over and have this conversation, especially with his extreme disgust with Carter and need to torture him because of her.

She sighed.

He looked her up and down and waited. Patiently. It kind of bothered her.

"Okay, well, get energized soon," she said flippantly, growing tired of her apparent need to ensure Chuck's sexual enthusiasm. "Blair's getting cranky, and your past self would be very disappointed in you for putting off sex for this long." She pointed at him, accusingly, and walked away, having no desire to counteract any perverted witty remark he might have. She heard him scoff though, and she guessed that meant he thought she had offered up a challenge, which…in the technical sense of the word…she probably had. Chuck Bass never denied a challenge, especially when regarding his sexual appetite—or lack thereof.

"Blair!" she heard him call, and the bright, beautiful, brunette girl came willingly to her boyfriend's side.

Serena smirked.

_This time would be no different._

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A/N: That is all. *beams* =) Yes, yes, I know…according to the episode it seems that they did not sleep together till the following morning, but we don't know that for sure, and they do not necessarily do that after my oneshot ends. It's pretty much how you want to interpret it. ;p But I just had this idea of Serena telling Chuck to have sex with Blair, after all the complaining she's heard throughout the episode. Heh. I hope you liked it! Please review!


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